Main Street Sketch

The man came up to me,
“May I help you, sir?”

My Reply:

I’m looking to buy a new winter coat. Well I’m feigning interest in buying a new winter coat. The truth of the matter is I do not want a new winter coat
Nor can I afford it
No the reason I am in your department store is because I want to get to the main drag without walking around the block. So I chose to walk through your department store.

The man looked confused.

My Reply:

It’s quite alright. I won’t make your water paranoid. I just want a sandwich. And I want to buy a sandwich for a beautiful girl. If your department store sold sandwiches, I would stay longer.

Or beautiful girls – Then I would stay even longer.

That way I wouldn’t have to wait. Anymore. I could just make a down payment.

Let’s role play:

Let’s say you do sell beautiful girls, how much would one cost? How would your department store charge, by that I mean rates. This is no Woolworths. You don’t want to nickel and dime me. You would no doubt have a package deal. Beautiful girl, house on Nantucket, not too bad not too bad by the night not too bad

Now where’s the money?

I have exactly fifty dollars to my name at this very moment.

Will that be enough?

I told you I couldn’t afford your winter coats
I’m not ready for it
I can’t go through
Why are you hounding me so?

FINE! I’ll lean against your department store street light on the side of the street I wanted to be on in the first place and glare into your window and your shoppers who can afford your new winter coats and beautiful women and I’ll mope and sulk and-

oh there she is