01XX11

I'm gonna be a good dad
with my half-hearted christmas lights
white wine, cigarettes, and Barbie dolls
Lips you can't feel
The whole world is getting engaged
and
Asking: "What's so wrong with telling someone
they're wonderful?"
and I thought when I get home
it won't be hot yet
but it might be warm
I'd love to take you
It's so beautiful down there
but I have my heart set on taking that bath
so i shall finish what i started

An Actual Homework Assignment For Art School

10) DISCUSSION QUESTION (follow instructions carefully):
Describe five specific incidents in which you have used your body to make sound in the past day. These do not need to all be sounds emanating directly from your body, it can also involve using your body (such as your hands or mouth) to trigger a sound. At least one of the examples should involve triggering or using some type of technology (such as ringing a doorbell or turning on your MP3 player). Include the exact location, a description of the sound, whether other people also heard the sound, how (and if) you heard the sound yourself and any other interesting information.

1- Right when I woke up, I cracked my knuckles. I was sitting up in bed. The noise was a very distinct and very loud crack. I don’t crack my knuckles often so the noise startled me a bit.
2- Early this morning, one of my roommates’ cats ran into my room and scared the shit out of me. I was half awake and I let out this horrible moan of fright. It came from the back of my throat and was very low. I hope someone else heard it because it was so weird.
3- I hit record on my tape deck. I was sitting on the edge of my bed. The deck made a nice CA-CHUNK followed by the hum of the spindles moving.
4- My esophagus made a strange gurgling sound after I ate when I was sitting on my couch. It was particularly loud. As always, no one heard it but me.
5- Since nothing loud or even interesting happened to me today, I started humming just now, seeing how low I can get. I can feel it in my chest but now it’s starting to hurt a little.

A Dream/Notebook Scraps/Hakus

Two nights ago I was in some room that resembled the house where I took piano lessons as a kid. These doctors told me they had to operate on my teeth, just like last time. I remembered “last time” and remembered it going pretty well so I agree. They lay me down on just a normal bed with a lot of pillows. They gave me a lolly-pop covered in the anesthetic. I ate it and became woozy, not completely out of it. I then started to panic. The doctors assumed I was out and took out the huge drill. I started crying and moaning. They hid the drill immediately. I cried harder. The anesthetic didn’t work and may never work. I dipped my finger in the anesthetic goo and sucked. That worked. I rolled over once, lay my face into a pillow, and was gone.

I could still hear the doctors and the room though but felt nothing. I started to dream up a different scenario. I was on a plane and must have been a big shot director because I was in first class and was talking to celebrities. I asked an actress to be in my movie once we landed and she agreed. I then found myself on a movie set, trying to call out orders. However my mouth kept expanding and I felt the hands in my mouth and things poking my teeth. It didn’t hurt but that didn’t make me feel any better.

***
(Excerpt from a longer piece)
I'm sick of waiting.
I meditate on
This
before it falls away
and my hands run silent
it will soon
No need to look up, I FEEL
it in my stomach
All I have been taught
I know it must peak and resolve
Here comes the waiting
I'm sick of waiting

***
(Excerpt from a song)
Do you remember late at night
Rod Sterling's solemn face
We'd fall asleep on the couch
Dream of Pepsodent and Frosted Flakes

***
Yes, I am ready.
I'll have a cup of coffee.
Eggs, scrambled. Thank you.

I'm watching the game
We were leading at the half.
Now they're on our ten.

Please turn a light on.
Can you read me a story?
No, I'm not sleepy.

Reasons Why I'm Out of it Today

I was searching for songs to listen to at work and spent five minutes looking for a song that in the end was written by my friend Joe.

I went to the jon and when I pulled my pants back up, I forgot I was wearing shorts so my first thought was "What the hell happened to my pants?"

"These stories are true. My life is a series of crises."- Woody Allen

How to Condense Text and other stories

Original sentence:

I drove over the Sagamore Bridge into a patch of fog.

Condensed sentence:

I drove over the Sagamore Bridge into a metaphor.

***
There's no part of junior high health class that discusses this. Just act like the dining room table is a subway car. First avoid eye contact. Second, you may think of something to say, but honestly, how can you say it?

***
Has anyone really listened to Christian rock music? It popped up on my dial and it felt right so I didn't change. Sure they're just rejected Creed love songs but with Jesus jammed in it, but they're pretty convicted. Maybe because they're talking about something bigger than going steady.

***
Dear anybody who wants to make a compilation album, listen to Mothermania. You have a nerdy fan base? Just use another take, remix, repackage, and give it a goofy title.

coming up next on trying to fall asleep radio: music from the sea shore, non-threatening violins playing 12-tone, and people with reassuring voices listening all your positive qualities.

Meanwhile in the Office...

I couldn't for the life of me finish the online crossword. I kept hitting the solve button until it was done, granted there wasn't much left. Then the website did a really cool "Congratulations!" animation.

I wish I actually earned that. Now I feel guilty.