081011

The world is so small
How could anybody not look you in the eye
Or wave was you drive by?
The world is such a wonderful place.

I feel naked without my typewriter and tape recorder being within arms reach. Also can’t stand it when my bed isn’t next to a window so I can look outside at the rain. Minor complaints in a sea of things I could bitch about. On the bright side the beer is cold and the Disney VHS tapes haven’t faded at all through these years.

I don’t really have much to say. I just felt like creating something.

I read some of my old notebooks from as far back as 2003. My handwriting was surprisingly better back then. Content wasn’t great. Did find some of my earliest songs and they were pretty good.

I had a dream the other night where a friend of mine made a video for me. The camera was small and sitting inside an empty fish tank. She slowly filled the tank with water and the camera tried to escape. The tank filled up quickly and the camera looked up at her looking back at the camera. As she pulled the camera out of the tank, I too felt like I just came out from under water. She wiped the water off the camera and I felt hands going through my hair. The video ended abruptly and I searched all over the house I was in for her to thank her. She was no where to be found.

Pre-season is gonna be here soon. After pre-season comes the official start to football season. Then comes autumn and the cold and coats and all the colors of the season. Breaths are shorter. My kind of living. And football sets a wonderful structure around it all. No matter how crummy the week is, there’s two great days to look forward to, and one of them is Monday for Christ’s sake. How great is it to be happy on Mondays?

I can't do long summers. My skin can't take it. Long winters are fine. I can take those any day. Sure I'll dream about the sun and beaches and all those fine things, but can only dig it in bursts. The trip to Nantucket was about all the summer I needed. Cold drinks, warm beaches, that scene. But normal day-to-day in horrible heat? It drives me insane.

020711

What a horrible Super Bowl. Not because of the outcome, in fact that was the best part of the game. But by and large, it was a very average football game. The half time show was wretched and the commercials were sub-par. However, I haven't laughed this hard in a very long time. Paul and Dani helped me greatly as with the state of New Hampshire; proving the fact I most likely will never live outside of the northeast. Perhaps west coast or somewhere exotic, just not anywhere else in this country.

I forgot to pack something this weekend. That was a huge mistake on my part. That being said, these things helped me me the most-

- my grandfather's dog, Mia
- getting tipsy at the hotel with my family and playing music all night and telling stories
- biting my tongue and being civil with my grandfather's widow's family
- the Marines who attended and participated in the twenty-one gun salute. I regret not thanking them. I was just a wreck and wanted to look as brave as they did.
- the recent-ish photograph of my grandfather I stole
- allowing myself to drain my body of emotion because that was way more than crying
- a very honest photograph of Miley Cyrus where she looks like she's looking for something meaningful to fall into her plastic lap.
- a demo recording for a very very obscure soul label out of Columbus, Ohio. If I wrote soul songs, they would sound like this:

020611

i need inane chatter.
i need things that do not matter.
thank god it's Super Bowl Sunday.

Playoffs Part Two- And I Thought Yesterday Was Bad...

Why? Why the Jets? Why negate the greatest instalment of Monday Night Football last month? I would have rather lost to Cleveland again and for even more than lose to the Jets. Now for the AFC title it's gonna be Steelers/Jets. I'd rather castrate myself with a weed-whacker before I even think about taking sides in that contest. At least I'm pretty alright with both Chicago and Green Bay so I'm rooting for an NFC champ for the third year in a row this coming Stupid Bowl.

Two out of my four picks came through. I need to get better at that. I only really played one game on emotion- I honestly thought Baltimore was gonna pull off a win. They deserved to win the game based on that sneaky touchdown after stuffing the hell out of Rapethisberger and causing him to fumble. If dickweeds like Flacco and Sanchez are the future of the NFL, I think I'm gonna pick up tennis again.

At least this weekend wasn't a total loss. It never is when I'm with Paul, my best friend since the 8th grade. I've been in his new apartment in New Hampshire since Saturday. My stay has basically been a 10 year old boy's dream of what being in college would be- your friend having his own place where you can stay up as long as you want, play with Nerf guns, watch TV, and live on the comfiest chair with a million blankets and pillows.

I usually find whatever intangible sentiment I'm searching for when I come to New Hampshire. Last night we walked across this bridge in the center of town on our way to a Chinese restaurant. I looked over the bridge to the cold water running down stream over rock after rock as the snow fell gently. It was like a scene from a T.C. Boyle short story idealizing New England. Bursting, I exclaimed "This is my country." Paul laughed. In cold weather, joy is contagious. This state is almost too much to take. Perhaps because personally, it doesn't have the same baggage Maine contains- my former golden state.

Switching gears, winter always makes me think of Barenaked Ladies. Each of their albums have a cold snap in them- save Maroon. It's music to huddle around. I spent a lot of time trying to warm myself in front of the glow of my stereo in middle school while memorizing the words to "Upside Down" or trying to teach myself the harmonies on "The Great Provider." Here's a deep cut from their wildly successful 1998 album Stunt as played in a bathroom by songwriter Ed Robinson.  It gave me chills when I was 13 and still does so seven years later. This song is winter in Harwich, MA.

Playoffs Part One- No Will To Live

The Steelers/Ravens game was THE worst football game I've ever seen. Move over Pats/Giants Superbowl. There was a flag on every other play, Pittsburg challenged everything, and the game lasted well over 8 hours. Currently the Green Bay/Atlanta game is tied at 14 in the 2nd. I can't really tell if it's a better game because I went brain dead after the first half in the first game lasted an hour.

Alright Green Bay just got an amazing touchdown with 42 seconds left in the half. This is clearly a better game because I just felt joy. Last time I checked those who wish to commit suicide don't feel joy.

But honestly, is it 4 pm EST tomorrow? This Patriot game needs to happen now.

Ears still ringing like a mother.

Back for more, four minutes later

NFL play off picks:
Baltimore upset Pittsburgh but not by much
Green Bay over Atlanta
Chicago butt rape Seattle
New England butt rape New York

"Remember the sabbath and perform sodomy."